What is Strength?

Jill and I were able to go on a date this past week to see Captain America. I love stories, I love movies, and I love how they can capture your attention, transport you to another world, and the really good ones bring in truth that excites and resonates within you.

There is a scene at the beginning of the movie where Steve Rogers confronts a bigger dude that eventually pummels him to the ground. After each monstrous punch, Steve falls to the ground and then gets back up. One after another, the punches knock him to the floor and yet he keeps getting back up.

Eventually, Steve Rogers gets some shiny new muscles and kicks some bad guy butt and you would think that those shiny new muscles, those cool new weapons, that flash and that pomp were the very definition of strength. But, I’m learning something new about strength.

You would think that someone who is strong is without fear, walks in the face of danger or scary bullies with bravado and fearlessness. That’s what I would think, at least. But, let’s face it, we are all afraid of something. And some things are much scarier than others. Will that fear make you crumble, or will you keep facing it? Will you keep getting back up despite the fear?

At the beginning of this new chapter of our lives, I wrote about Jill being the strongest woman I know. How naive and little did I know. Did she face the new struggle with strength, you bet. But, I’m learning what real strength is as I watch my bride go through this day after day.

Just like Steve Rogers, my wife keeps getting punched and knocked down with each new treatment every other week. There is a literal transformation that takes place from when she leaves our house in the morning to when she comes back home from the chemo treatment. She is paler, greener, less sparkly, and visibly weaker in the afternoon and evening. She will walk through each day facing new things that are happening in her body. From the lethargy to the mouth sores to the stomach pains to the days of depression, she faces a litany of side effects and doesn’t really feel any better until the day before her next treatment.

But, she keeps getting back up. She heads on to the next treatment knowing she will face it all over again.

Then there is also the battery of tests and needle poking, and worse of all the waiting. The beginning was nothing but tests after tests, poking after poking, and waiting upon waiting. All until we finally heard the words we never wanted to hear, words no one ever wants to hear – you have cancer. And, today, she walked out the door, got into her mother’s car, and headed up to Nashville to drink a nasty juice, sit for 2 hours in silence, and then will face the cave of the scanner. All so we can wait to hear if this poison, this up and down that has characterized our last 2 months has been working.

But, she keeps getting back up. She is rained down on by punch after punch, needle after needle, test after test, and waiting after waiting – but she keeps getting back up.

Yes, Jill is afraid during each turn she faces. Who wouldn’t be? The fear of the next treatment, fear of the next test, fear that this isn’t working. But, I can proudly say that my wife does not let her fear take over, she gets back up and walks in the face of that fear to face her opponent.

Isaiah 40:31 says, “but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Jill’s strength doesn’t come from a stubborn resolve, it comes from the Lord who mounts her up with wings like eagles. Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord!

I am so proud of her. Steve Rogers was Captain America and became a comic book hero because he faced the scary reality of bullies and kept getting back up. Jill is my hero because she faces a scary bully that is real and eats away at her body, but she keeps getting back up.